Subject: Hilarious Newspaper Ads

FREE PUPPIES:

½ COCKER SPANIEL -

½ SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.

8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

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AMANA WASHER $100.

OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...

ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:

1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988

MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...

ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.

NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

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FULL SIZED MATTRESS.

20 YR. WARRANTY.

LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

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FOR SALE:

LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

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NORDIC TRACK $300

HARDLY USED

CALL CHUBBIE

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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING

WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS

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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.

LOOKS LIKE A RAT...

BEEN OUT AWHILE..

BETTER BE REWARD.

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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER

IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!

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GET A LITTLE JOHN:

THE TRAVELING URINAL

HOLDS 2 ½ BOTTLES OF BEER.

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GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:

NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

SLIGHTLY STAINED

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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

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AMERICAN FLAG

60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED

$100

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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND

FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

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NOTICE:

TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR

SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.

PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.

ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:

QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS BOX SPRINGS -$175.

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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

MUST SELL WASHER and DRYER

$300.

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LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES

FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

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OPEN HOUSE

BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON

FREE COFFEE and DONUTS

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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

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FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent

condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married

last weekend. Wife knows everything